Matthew Sloane cultivates compassion for himself and others by sharing candid stories and insights about being a man, father, and husband.
- Since 2003, he has explored men’s work in a variety of settings including an ongoing men’s group and dad’s group, both as a participant and facilitator.
- Certified as an Integral Coach from New Ventures West in 2009;
- Author of short, illustrated, heart-opening men’s fiction for book clubs, men’s groups, dad’s groups, and male studies courses since self-publishing a book for men in 2011;
- He has been a husband since 2013 and a father since 2016.
In his words:
I spent many years as a quiet kid, thinking that everyone had such strong opinions and wondering why I had none.
Then I realized I was shoving down all the things I really thought and felt, beginning with my emotions. I had all this rage inside me, all this hate that didn’t feel like me—after all, I was nice and accommodating. There was no place for negative emotions of any kind.
My first marriage ended in divorce, mainly for these two reasons:
- I struggled with my own and my partner’s standards for how I ought to be more of a “man” in the relationship;
- I had a hard time admitting when I was wrong.
Fortunately, when that marriage ended, I was enrolled in a men’s group. For over six years, my mentor (Daniel Ellenberg, Ph.D.) facilitated eight men for our 2hr, Thursday eve gatherings. During that time, we’d practice communicating in honest and genuine ways. It was unpredictable, dynamic, messy, and beautiful. The experience felt like a consistent laboratory where we could hit the pause button and go deeper to explore, “what just happened there?”
I learned new ways of relating in the presence of some amazing men. I discovered how rigid I was in my quiet emotions and fixed opinions—and how to access a deeper self and let others in. Over time, I learned a lesson I did not expect. I learned to move beyond my assumptions about each man and become curious about who they were and what was true for them. At my best, I would remove my armor and let myself be vulnerable, even when it felt like a huge risk.
Those are the moments I now live for—when someone reveals their true self, whether it be in some form of pain or joy. That’s pure magic to me.
My purpose in this world is to give voice to my inner world and help others do the same. And my intention is to be present with myself and others while enjoying the ride.
In addition to being an artist and author by night, by day I am a Collaboration Director with my friends at SF Metalworks who bring visionary, architectural metalwork to life.
I’ve been drawing since I was a kid. I studied writing in college. And after that, I became certified as an Integral Coach, studying how humans change and express themselves along the way—starting with myself. My illustrated stories and other expressions are a culmination of these studies.
As you experience my creative work, while reading or listening, I hope you’re able to deepen your own self-understanding.
– Matthew Sloane
